She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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