Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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