I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
