I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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