Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
