She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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