I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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