I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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