I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
