I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
