He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think your dad took our porno
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
