and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
