Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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