Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
True college students do jello shots in the library
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
