He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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