We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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