I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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