I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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