guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
