We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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