I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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