??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
