Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
