nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
