she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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