So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
