Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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