Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dick has a subreddit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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