I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
