Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
