i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
