you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
