no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
