i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
