the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
