She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
