i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
