Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
