Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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