when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
