I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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