I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
