we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
