You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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