You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
