So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
