first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
