just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
