how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
honey bunches of taint.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
