There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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