Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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