I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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