So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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