what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
