Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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