I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
