Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
