the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
