you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
